I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Send help, water and tortillas.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
