Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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