I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
