He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
