We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
