He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
