I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
