first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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