OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
