I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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