I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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