Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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