I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
