I just made out with a guy for $7.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
