You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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