The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
