why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Randomize
