This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
