Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
