It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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