Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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