I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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