filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
