He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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