never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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