my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
