I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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