Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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