this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
