I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
