I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
