i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
