my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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