WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
