Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
