God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you win again, gameday.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Randomize
