I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
