wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Randomize
