too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
