if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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