Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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