You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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