OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
