when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
