I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
