I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
