So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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