I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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