I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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