shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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