Im at strip club and am horny
Already got asked if we're dating
return my video game
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
