How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
