pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Dear god my vagina.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
